Student Banter

CHERI I've got to stop being so crazy. I can't believe I lost my wallet and money! What a pain that was...I'll make a mental note: Never lose RU id again. Okay, I have to promise myself that I won't get out of control next time I go out. Tonight will be my test of willpower...

TAMARA It's been over a week and he still hasn't called. Maybe I'll call him. No, he said he'd call. I won't do it. If I call him, he'll think I'm desperate. Why does his roommate keep staring at me? I wonder what David told him about our date? Probably everything! David is such a jerk! But...he's a really cute jerk...and he was really, really nice when we went out. Maybe he'll call before the weekend. I-will-not-pick-up-the-phone...

JOSE 75%! I don't believe it! I always get A's in Economics...there must be a mistake. I studied the whole morning for that damn test and all I get is a C! Maybe I should have gone out that night. Nah. I knew the material pretty well. This is just a fluke. I'll just stay in tonight. I'll study super hard for Monday night's exam. I'll be fine.

STEVE I've got to tell her She needs to go to the doctor's, too. Maybe I'll email her. Yeah--this way I don't have to see her face--I wonder if girls can tell if they have herpes? Maybe she already knows...Why didn't I use a condom!! This was so stupid. I can't email her. God--I wish there was an easier way to do this! I've got to tell her by Monday...

KIESHA I can't believe Chrissie and Cheri wanted to set me up with him-- I thought they figured it out! I can't believe I said "I'm not into that type of person"! I might've well have written lesbian on my forehead. I better tell them soon. After all, we are becoming close friends; they should know the truth. Chrissie and Cheri seem mature and seem okay with the "gay thing", I'm sure it'll be no big deal...

Monday evening, 7p.m.

CHERI Today's one of the best days ever--found my wallet in Nicks room--got his number--have a date this weekend --and I think I did great on the exam. I better have! I studied all weekend for it. I'm so glad I didn't get wasted. I hope Nick doesn't find out why I lost my wallet in his room. I know he's not into the whole drug scene. I better stay away from it too...I'm sure he doesn't want to go out with some pothead...

TAMARA Why did I do that!!?? Now he'll never respect me and I can't say I blame him--Now that I've slept with him twice!! I can't believe I asked him out last night, I knew we'd have sex again. He never even called me after our first date. I should've known better. I feel like such a fool. Okay--enough of this. I just have to forget the whole incident and go on with my life. I don't have to do that with the next one. I'll start from scratch...

JOSE This exam is impossible! What does this mean? I better write something down. Why, why, why did I go out?...Let's see I know this one...I sort of can answer this...I better think of something fast! -It's all their fault. I knew I should've stayed in but nooo...I let my friends drag me out. Well...not every night I went out...but Saturday night anyway...Maybe I wouldn't have been so tired on Sunday...Oh no! I only have fifteen minutes left!...

STEVE Well, that conversation was the most humiliating experience of my life. Telling someone they gave you an STI is not fun. I can't believe she was with those two other guys down the hall also. Boy, people in this dorm really talk!! I can't believe the three of us were infected. What a slut! Well...I guess that's not really fair, I've had one-night stands, too. Maybe that's why the nurse practitioner at the Student Health Center was so concerned. 1 in 4 teens are infected! Not using a condom was such a mistake!...

KIESHA I definitely feel better now that I told them. Except, I think Chrissie was acting weird. What does she think--I'm gonna hit on her? I'll never understand why straight people think we are interested in them! I'm glad Cheri was okay with it...really understanding...I'll be so upset if they break their promise to keep this a secret...

CHERI Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of smoking pot. Everyone's smoking it. - right? I smelled it down the hall last night...I wonder who that was? You know, it'll probably come up again this weekend. But, well, it didn't do much for me the first time. And didn't my parents try it in college? So maybe it's not such a big deal...

TAMARA I have nothing to wear tonight! Hmm...what dress would David like best? I don't want to look like a school girl, so...maybe I just better wear that skirt my mother hates. I think it'll look good. I don't know...what if he just wants to be friends? No, my black skirt and red sweater will definitely take care of that!...

JOSE There's no way I'm going to that party tonight. Not after last week...And I'm so behind! I have a paper and 40 pages to read by Monday...Well, hmmm...maybe I will go out. Oh, wait a minute! Paul is having a few people over tonight. That should be fun...

STEVE I can't believe she ignored me. Didn't it mean anything to her? Maybe I should talk to her after class. Nah, what could I possibly say that won't sound stupid? "Uh, I'm really sorry we hooked up drunk...do ya wanna go out on a date?" No way! I'd sound like such a loser! I have to think of something...She's really pretty...

KIESHA I'm definitely going to call Veronica. I would love to go out with her - She's smart, sophisticated, and so pretty. We could go to that film showing, or to that cafe, or...what am I saying?!! I can't call her! What will everyone think? Wouldn't this feel like high school all over again? Wait...this isn't high school, this is college, people are supposed to be understanding, respectful, tolerant...What if my friends feel uncomfortable around me once they find out? I'll wait. Maybe they will figure it out first...

CHERI Hey, when did I get back here - in my room? Aren't these the same clothes I wore last night?...And, where's my bag? Where's my wallet!! Oh no...don't tell me I lost it! Was it stolen? How'd this happen? Maybe if I retrace my steps--Lets see, I went to the party and had it there...We went to Amti's room...then we drank a little...and then I tried ecstacy. But, I only took half a pill. Chrissie said it really wouldn't do much. I thought I was fine. Wait--uh, oh, I might have passed out. I can't remember...

TAMARA Please call...please call...Dear God, if you let him call, just this once, I swear I will be better from now on...I really like him. I think he likes me...he told me last night. Oh, why hasn't he called? He promised he'd call by noon. Maybe I shouldn't have slept with him...no, he said he really liked me. And he did seem sincere and really happy to see me. I know we'd be perfect for each other. Please call...

JOSE Last night was pretty fun. Paul has really got some nice friends. I just had to be more social. That was all it took. Kiesha was right, I can't wait around for people to come up to me, I have to be outgoing too. I better start that homework...

STEVE She hates me. She wouldn't even look at me last night. I can't believe her friends either. All they did was whisper and stare. What's the big deal? A lot of people have one-night stands...Now what's wrong? Damn! It hurts when I pee. What is this? Could it be serious?...

KIESHA I'm so glad I called her! I knew I should listen to my gut. I haven't been on a date like that in sooo long...I think I can hide it. I'll just say she's my friend. I have my own room, it's not like anyone would walk in on us...No one should suspect anything ...But, why do I feel so bad? Why do I have to lie? This is who I am! Too bad, if everyone finds out...

BEFORE AND AFTER

CHERI I really want to go out tonight, but I'm a little nervous. I can't believe that my friends want to smoke pot tonight! I have never tried it and I don't think I really want to. I hope Chrissie doesn't either. Maybe I'll hang around her all night and avoid the situation...

TAMARA My friends say I am a "social drinker." I like to drink and socialize, but I never get out of control. I have a plan for tonight: 2 or 3 beers, dancing, and hopefully running into David. I don't want to be too wasted to talk to him...

JOSE I don't like to drink. In fact, I hate the taste of beer. Maybe that's why I don't really have fun at these things. Everyone is drunk and acting stupid. If only they could see themselves! Maybe I'll go to the movies with Ashish. I'd probably have a better time with him but...what if I miss out at the party?...

STEVE I am going to get bombed tonight! I overheard this gorgeous girl in my class saying she would be there and I really want to talk to her. I better start drinking soon if I want to be buzzed by the time the party really gets going...

KIESHA I can't believe that I have to go home! Chrissie and Cheri are going to have so much fun at that party, while I am stuck at home babysitting. I always miss out!...

CHERI What did I do last night? I can't believe I tried pot! How did this happen? I followed Chrissie upstairs, everyone was doing it, and then one thing led to another, I guess. I can't believe that I followed my friends like that. I'm really disappointed with myself.

TAMARA Last night was really a good time. I am so excited that I saw David and he asked for my number. I can't wait to tell Jose, but I think I better wait until he feels better. He made such an ass out of himself last night. I hate to tell him the things he said and did. I'll hold off until after he isn't so hung-over.

JOSE I feel terrible. Last night was fun until I felt really dizzy. How much did I drink? It couldn't have been more that 7 beers, could it? I can't believe my preceptor took me to the emergency room just because I was throwing up. I was there until 5 a.m.! I feel so stupid and my parents are furious. What a mistake. I knew I should have gone out with Ashish.

STEVE Last night was crazy. Boy was I wasted! I can't believe I ran into that girl. Her name was Chrissie, I think. I can't remember what happened. Wait--I think we went to Juan's room and then, Oh Yeah, we fooled around. It's a blur. I hope she doesn't avoid me this week. I kind of like her. I guess getting that drunk was kind of stupid, but it seems to be the only way I know how to meet girls.

KIESHA I guess I didn't miss out after all. Jose is so hung-over and Chrissie won't tell me what she did last night. I wonder why. This hallway smells like puke! There must be a better way to have fun. Now to make my plans for tonight. Hopefully Chrissie and Cheri will be up to going to the City instead of the parties tonight.

Hurtado Health Center, Tuesday, 3 p. m., nurse practitioner's office

A few weeks ago I lost my wallet at a party. We'd been drinking, I tried ecstacy, and the next thing I knew I was back in my dorm the next morning. The thing is I really didn't think the ecstacy worked. It looked like aspirin to me and I didn't feel "happy" or anything. Then a week later my friend, Nick, said the wallet turned up in his room. When he told me he had a strange look on his face---as though he knew something I didn't...Finally, he admitted to me that he had the wallet all along, but he swore he didn't steal it. He said he was protecting me and held onto it for safety. None of this made any sense until he told me what really happened that night. Some of his friends had given me a Roofie instead of ecstacy. They slipped another into my drink later. That's why I passed out. Nick knew what they were up to and brought me home. I am really scared...what do I do now?

Rohypnol, or "Roofies" as it is being called on the street, is a brand name for flunitrazepam, a very potent tranquilizer similar in nature to Valium, but many times stronger. According to campus police, "Roofies" are often combined with alcohol, marijuana, or cocaine to produce a rapid and very dramatic high. Even if taking only Rohypnol, the user can appear extremely intoxicated, with slurred speech, little if any coordination, swaying, and blood shot eyes...with no odor of alcohol.

Rohypnol's effects begin to take place within 30 minutes of ingestion, peak within two hours, and may persist for eight hours or more depending on the dosage. Rohypnol can cause decreased blood pressure, memory impairment, downiness, visual disturbance, dizziness, confusion, slurred speech, motor incoordination, gastrointestinal disturbances, and urinary retention. Resulting memory loss can last up to 24 hours.

Rohypnol tablets are round, white, and slightly smaller than an aspirin. They are single-or cross-scored on one side with "ROCHE" and "A1" or "A2" encircled on the other. It is commonly distributed in .5 mg or 1 mg. form and has a deceptively "safe" and "clean" appearance because it is usually sold in its original manufacturer's bubble foil packet. Though less common, Rohypnol is also sold in powder form that can be snorted or injected. This drug is relatively cheap; selling for $2-$5. Several street names include: Roofies, rope, R-2, Rib, Mexican Valium, Rophies, Ropies, and "The Forget Pill."

Roofies have been called "the date rape drug" because of its involvement in sexual assaults. The Emergency Net News recently released a statement reporting that the drug has been added to punch and other drinks at  parties and college social gatherings, where it is reportedly given to female party participants in hopes of lowering inhibitions and facilitating potential sexual conquest. After ingesting "Roofies," several young women have reported waking up in houses with no clothes on, finding themselves in unfamiliar surrounding with unfamiliar people, having actually been sexually assaulted while under the influence of the drug.

Rutgers University police and health services are urging women and men to be aware of this insidious practice. They suggest using these precautions:

--Be wary about accepting drinks from anyone you don't know well or trust.

--If you are accepting a drink, make sure it is from an unopened container or that you open it yourself.

--Don't put your drink down and leave it unattended.

--Talk with your friends about the effects of this drug.

--If this has happened to you, contact the campus police and your student health center.

First-Year Dorm, Tuesday, 10 p.m.

Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I just find someone nice? I'm a good person--- I'm smart---I'm nice---why can't I find someone special? Is there something wrong with me? There must be 25,000 guys at Rutgers!! Why can't I find one?...

Romantic isolation is perhaps one of the most reported causes of loneliness. There are many reasons why finding that "significant other" can be hard. Pressure at school, stress at work, expectations to relocate for business, college, etc.., and emotional immaturity can make dating at Rutgers seem like a fruitless venture.

This can be one of the most destructive myths when it comes to dating. Students who are outgoing, considerate, and respectful really don't finish last. Respecting yourself, as well as others, shows confidence and maturity...two attractive qualities. Remember, you don't need to change for someone else. Sometimes relationships just don't work out; it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Consider the age and circumstances of most college students: many students do not want to commit to someone until they are in a more "secure" environment. While it may take sometime to find someone special, it's important to remain confident in yourself and your values.

Dr. Colavitti, a therapist at the Caritas Institute for Personal Development, suggests the following mental health tips:

-Learn to Block "Irrational Thinking"

Irrational ideas might be based on outright misperceptions ("This person probably won't like me") or perfectionist shoulds, oughts, and musts ("I ought to keep quiet next time rather than voice my opinions"). Inaccurate self-talk such as "I need love" is emotionally dangerous compared to the more realistic "I want love very much, but I don't absolutely need it and can survive and feel reasonably happy without it." Your own thoughts, directed and controlled by you, are what create anger, anxiety, and depression.

-Stop That Worrying

We all worry sometime. But, obviously it does no good to worry so much that it ruins your day. So when you find you are worrying a lot, jot down what you are worrying about and then put off any more worrying until later. In the evening, you can dwell on them if you like. Before long, you will find yourself worrying with "here and now" thinking.

-Begin "Here and Now" Thinking

You truly "live" only when your mind is on what you are doing at the moment, whether it is walking, working, cooking, or kicking back. On the other hand, if while you are doing these things, your mind is elsewhere, like dwelling on regrets or resentments from the past, you are no longer "living." What you are doing is "reliving" unpleasant past experiences. Why do that to yourself when you could be enjoying the present? So, decide now to chose "living" and enjoy making the present pleasant.

-Live By Your Own Values

Others may be pressuring you to please them by pushing you to do what they want you to do. In order for you to stand your ground, you first need to know what you stand for. So take the time to clarify what your values are; think about the things you want in a relationship and the kinds of qualities you're looking for. Once you have developed solid values, no one can push you to live by theirs. Then, do what makes you happy!

If you are feeling frustrated or lonely and want to talk to someone, there are counseling centers available on each campus:

Rutgers 932-7884

Cook 932-9150

Douglass 932-9070

Livingston 445-4140

RU Health Services 932-7827

University College 932-8074

Newark 973-353-5805

Camden 856-225-6005

Check out some local bookstores for the latest texts on personal growth and mental healing. Some excellent sources include:

The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, and

Davis, Eshelman, and Mckay, New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Hurtado Health Center, Thursday, 2 pm, nurse's office

Last week was really rough. I had four exams! And now I'm not sure what to do. You see, I was always a good student; all A's, honor stuff, you know. Now that I've gotten to college, it's been pretty hard keeping good grades. I like to party and I go out all the time. I've tried to set aside time to study, but it never works. I can't concentrate....my mind wanders, I procrastinate, and worst of all, I let myself get pressured into doing other, fun stuff, rather than studying. It's not that hard to do, believe me! The trouble is, I've got to get good grades--I'm on a scholarship, you know. I didn't do too well on those exams. In fact, I failed one of them. I'll try harder on the final, but....I'm worried about how hard it is to study once it gets nicer out. You know, Spring Fever.... So anyway, I told this to some friends in my hall. They said they feel the same way....except they don't worry. They told me they take some "focus drug" that they give to kids who are hyperactive. They said that they got it from their doctor. So I figure, "How bad could it be?" They wanted to get some, but I want to check it out myself. It's called Ritalin and I'd like to know more about it. I think I really need something. Is there any way I can get a prescription?

Reports on Ritalin (methylphenidate) abuse have become the subject of concern recently at schools and colleges. According to Indiana University's Prevention Resource Center, these prescription tablets, which produce mild stimulant effects when taken as directed and at usual prescription doses, can create powerful stimulant effects and serious health risks when crushed and then snorted like cocaine, or injected like heroin.

According to Indiana University, in medical use, Ritalin is used in the treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and in the treatment of narcolepsy (a condition with brief episodes of deep sleep). In recent years, more and more adults have been diagnosed with ADD and, according to the Drug Enforcement Agency, prescriptions have increased more than 600% over the past five years and a significant portion of these prescriptions are being diverted for illicit non-medical use.

Some students have admitted to using the drug to help them study and "focus" on reading material before exams. Because this is a widely prescribed drug, it is can easily obtained through prescriptions and as a "street drug." Even in small doses, Ritalin can produced side effects that range form uncomfortable to severe.

When taken according to the prescription directions, there is a risk of developing dependence and tolerance to the drug. Some adverse side effects include:

*Nervousness and insomnia

*Loss of appetite, nausea and vomiting

*Skin rashes and itching

*Dizziness, palpitations, headaches, abdominal pain, and weight loss

*Toxic psychosis, psychotic episodes, drug dependence and severe depression upon withdrawal.

High doses of stimulants produce a predictable set of symptoms that include: loss of appetite (may cause malnutrition), tremors and muscle twitching, fevers, convulsion, headaches, paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions. Serious side effects include irregular heartbeat and respiration (may be profound and life threatening), and formication (sensation of bugs or worms crawling under the skin).

Time management, stress and anxiety reduction, and effective study skills are important, lifelong habits to develop. Visit your campus counseling centers, Learning Resource Centers or health centers for more information and support. Misuse of prescription drugs rarely solves problems.

...I've been thinking about this for a long time. My cousin knows that I'm gay, but I haven't told anyone at Rutgers. It's awful...like I'm hiding a huge part of who I am. I want to be honest with my friends. I'm not uncomfortable about it...I've known for years...and I've finally accepted it as a part of my identity.

...No, I don't try to "hide" it. Well---I'm a private person---They don't know about Veronica---and I don't dress or act "gay". That's why I think it'll be a shock. My friends have even tried to set me up with a guy. That was really embarrassing! I'm seeing someone! I thought they knew...How can I do this...let them know I'm gay...or better yet, let them figure it out for themselves? What have other students done?...

Almost all of us know people who are gay or lesbian. At Rutgers University, it is estimated that there are over 5, 000 members of our campus community who consider themselves lesbian or gay. The vast majority of lesbians and gay men remain "in the closet"; that is , they reveal their sexual orientation only to a few trusted friends.

Usually, you can't. Lesbian and gay men vary as widely in their dress, mannerisms, and styles as people not lesbian and gay. Despite this diversity, many stereotypes persist about the effeminate man or masculine woman. Although some gay people do adopt these styles, the overwhelming majority of lesbians and gay men do not conform to these stereotypes, and their sexual orientation is invisible to the general public. Any openness about lesbian or gay identity is labeled "blatant" or derided as "flaunting it." Our culture teaches that the only semi-acceptable way to be gay or lesbian is to be silent or invisible. Many gay men and lesbians are accused of being blatant (wearing buttons, marching in gay rights marches, etc..). "Blatant" heterosexuality, however, is rarely questioned and very few criticize public displays of heterosexual love.

Some students suggest "subtle" ways of revealing their sexual orientation. This might include wearing buttons, displaying posters, magazines, and CDS of Gay artists and athletes, and becoming active in Bisexual/Lesbian/Gay organizations. Others drop "verbal" hints, such as voicing disagreement towards homophobic statements and mentioning their feeling about members of the same sex.

Give it time. Many people who react negatively towards friends who have "come out" eventually come around. For some parents, it is not the "homosexuality" that upsets them, but the disappointment of their children not being or living up to what they have hoped for. In other cases, issues of fear and ignorance may take a while to resolve. Give your friends and family the same amount of time that it took you to come to terms with your sexuality---it's going to be the same process for them!

Information and supportive services are available through the health centers, counseling centers, and dean of students offices. You may want to contact:

Rutgers University Lesbian and Gay Alliance

You may also want to visit bookstores for the latest publishes on "coming out," the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community, history, and culture.

I came here last week to make an appointment and picked up some brochures on STDs. I'm almost positive that I have something, maybe gonorrhea, but I'm not sure. It really hurts when I pee. And I've got to go to the bathroom all the time! When did this start happening? About a week after I had sex without a condom, that's why I know it's a disease. Can you check me out? I want all the information I can get on this. I don't want this to happen again...

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are among the most common infectious diseases in the United States today. According to Johns Hopkins University STD Research Clinic, there have been more than 20 STIs identified, and they affect more than 13 million men and women in this country each year. STIs affect men and women of all backgrounds and economic levels. They are most prevalent among teenagers and young adults. Nearly two-thirds of all STIs occur in people younger than 25 years of age.

Steve was right. He was infected with Gonorrhea and treated his symptoms immediately. He was lucky, persons with Gonorrhea may not show symptoms. Some symptoms may appear in males after five to seven days after sex with the infected partner. The first sign is usually thick green discharge from the penis. Additional symptoms may include a burning when urinating and frequent need to urinate. About 80% of women with Gonorrhea will not show any symptoms. Perhaps Steve's partner was unaware of her infection when she decided to have unprotected sex.

When diagnosed and treated early, almost all STIs can be treated effectively. The best way to prevent STIs is not to have sexual intercourse. But, if you decide to be sexually active, The Johns Hopkins University STD Research Clinic suggests taking the following steps:

-Be direct and frank about asking a new sexual partner whether he or she has an STI, has been exposed to one, or has any unexplained physical symptoms.

-Learn to recognize the physical signs of STIs and look over a sex partner's body, especially the genital area, for sores, rashes, or discharges.

-Don't have sex if your partner has signs or symptoms of STIs. Urge him/her to get medical attention as soon as possible.

-Use a condom during sexual intercourse and learn to use it correctly. Diaphragms may also reduce the risk of transmission of some STIs.

Anyone diagnosed as having an STI should:

-Notify all recent sex partners and urge them to get a checkup.

-Follow the health care providers orders and complete the full course of the medication prescribed. A follow-up test to ensure that the infection has been cured is often an important final step in treatment.

-Avoid all sexual activity while being treated for an STI.

If you are feeling frightened or uncomfortable to ask for help or information, the American Social Health Association (ASHA) provides free information and keeps lists of clinics and private doctors who provide treatment for people with STIs. ASHA has a national toll-free telephone number, 1-800-227-8922. Callers can get information from the ASHA hotline without leaving their names.

**Most STIs are readily treated, and the earlier a person seeks treatment and warns sex partners about the disease, the less likely that the disease will do irreparable physical damage, be spread to others or, in the case of a woman, be passed on to a newborn baby.