When A Friend

If you are concerned that a friend/family member might be suffering from an eating issue, there are things you can do.

Do

• Do speak to him/her privately and express your genuine concern
• Do confront behaviors, not values. Calmly tell the person all the specific observations that have aroused your concern, for example: "I have noticed that you have been leaving the table abruptly after every meal."
• Do allow your friend/family member time to respond.
• Do know about some of the resources in your school and community.
• Do talk to someone if you are not sure how to handle the situation or if you think it is an emergency.
• Do let your friend/family member know that you are available for support to help him/her deal with the situation.
• Do understand that the person might not be ready to talk. Letting them know that you are there for them is helpful even if it does not seem like it at the time.

Don't

• Don't confront the person with a group of people, all of whom are firing concerns and accusations at the person.
• Don't threaten or challenge the person
• Don't be judgemental: don't tell the person that what they are doing is "sick" or "crazy" or "stupid".
• Don't give advice about weight loss or exercise or appearance.
• Don't try to keep track of what the person is eating or try to force the person to eat or not eat.
• Don't get into an argument or battle of wills. Calmly repeat your evidence, your concern, and your strong belief that the person needs to have the problem evaluated. End the conversation if it is going nowhere or if either of you becomes too upset.
• Don't promise to keep what you have observed a secret.
• Don't let the person monopolize your time and energy.

REMEMBER!
You are not trying to cure him/her, you are trying to make him/her aware of your concerns about his/her behavior.

Keep in mind that resources are also available for you during this stressful time.