When I came to Rutgers, I knew that I wanted to be premed. Most people want to be a doctor to please their parents or for the money, or the social status. I felt a little pressure from my family, but I knew that they would support me no matter what. It wasnt about the money and, although I have to admit that the social status was attractive, that wasnt the primary reason either. I wanted to be a doctor because of my own experience with the healthcare system. In high school, I had suffered seven collapsed lungs and had spent a great deal of time in the hospital. I saw everything from the ER to the cafeteria, and I started to appreciate the infrastructure that is in place to help people. In todays society thats unusual, and I want to be a part of it.

My first semester at the university, though, was horrid. It was totally overwhelming. It was so easy to get lost and to feel less than humanthere were over 500 people in my chemistry class. I knew that Rutgers was a big university, but it was different to experience it first hand. In high school, my teachers knew me and said hello to me in the halls. At Rutgers, there were more than fifty thousand people and I was just one more face in the lecture hall. On top of that, I fell into the trap of partying and not studying. I had never seen grades that low.

A lot of people never climb back out of that hole, but I knew that my dream of going to medical school was in jeopardy so I took action. I had spent my first year doing what my friends did, but in my sophomore year I realized that there was more going on at Rutgers than the things my friends knew about. I realized that there were benefits to attending a large university, so I started going to the available resources and getting involved in extracurricular activities. I also learned to find a balance between socializing and studying: I did have time for both as long as I was conscious of how much time and energy I was spending on each.

As I got more involved in my studies, I also created better relationships with my professors. The professors really are human beings and they do have personalities. They want to know their students. It was intimidating at first, but when I had a question I would go to their office hours and talk to them there. If you let the professors know your face, theyll smile at you when they see you in classand if theyre smiling at you in a class of hundreds of students, its a big ego boost. More importantly, it rehumanizes you and makes you feel like an individual instead of a faceless number.

When Rutgers offered a new degree in cell biology and neuroscience, I jumped at the chance. I knew that I wanted to go into a brain-related field because I had spent some time shadowing a neurosurgeon. That was the best experience Ive ever had. I got to see patients in his office, and after a while they started to ask after me when I wasnt there. I really felt like a doctor. Thats easy to lost sight of when youre reading textbooks all of the time. Seeing patients helps to keep you on track; it makes you realize that you are going into medicine for them, not to know the twelve stages of a specific kind of cancer. Some of the patients made a lasting impression on me. One young man had been in a car accident about twelve years ago when he was only ten. The accident left him a quadriplegic, with no movement in his arms or legs. He couldnt even play video games, and had to grow up too quickly. It was awful to see how he had given up on the world.

I also got to sit in while the neurosurgeon performed brain surgeries. Thats a completely surreal atmosphere; no matter how many times youve seen it on TV, you cant imagine what its like to see an actual brain inside of someones skull. Sometimes the patients are awake during the surgery. If you touch a certain part of their brain, theyll move their arm, but if you ask them why they did that, theyll say that they did it because they wanted to. Things like that raise philosophical questions about free will. One of the reasons Im so interested in neurosurgery is that we know so little about how the brain works. For every door that we open, we find ten more doors behind it.

I am a little worried that I wont be able to make the cut in medical school. Im nervous about the amount of workI havent done anything comparable as an undergraduate. At the same time, though, I know that all of the work will be worth it one day. I see myself practicing medicine for as long as my body will allow. I want to be a caring and compassionate doctor, one who is willing to go the extra mile for his patients and willing to listen to their stories. Ill have the white coat and stethoscope, but Ill be more than thatIll be a shoulder to lean on.