I found out that I was accepted to Rutgers on Christmas Eve. I was so excited and I couldnt wait to get out of high school; I was tired of it and the people I had been around. As summer came and college got closer, I was still excited but I was starting to be a little scared. On the day I was supposed to move in, I kept looking at the clock and trying to think of ways to delay my parentsdidnt they need to mow the grass? pay the bills?

Once I finally got to school, though, my freshman year wasnt that bad. I roomed with a girl I had been friends with since I was 10 so I had a comfort zoneI didnt feel like I had to go out and make friends right away. It really was more like 13^th grade than like freshman year in college, because I had familiar people around me and I thought, if I already have friends, why should I make the effort to meet new people in this school thats so big and overwhelming? There was a third girl living in our triple, but she was still working back in her home town, so she wasnt around much. She didnt really know what it felt like to be around over the weekend with no one cleaning the bathroom and no toilet paper left, or with people throwing up in the garbage can at three oclock in the morning.

During that first year, I learned not only book stuff but life stuff. I learned a lot about friendships, and how people change and grow apart. My two best friends from high school both went to another university in New York. They lived together, and they were so excited about itthey even bought curtains together for their room. I felt really left out. I felt like they forgot about me completely and were so caught up in their own lives that they didnt make the effort to keep in touch with me. As it turned out though, things were the total opposite of what they had expected. They each developed different lives and had different crowds of friends, so they stopped talking as much and it got to the point that they didnt even like being in the same room. I think they neglected each other, because they had different expectations about what it would be like to be away at college. It was difficult for me, too, because I knew more about both of them than they knew about each other, even though their beds were less than five feet apartso close that one could reach out and touch the other.

As I grew apart from those two friends, I got closer to my roommate. We would go home together on the weekends, and sometimes even see each other while we were there. I was practically attached to her because she was so familiar and comfortable to me. My other friends were far away, but she was there for me.

In my sophomore year, I realized that I had dug myself into a hole by avoiding new activities and new people. I felt like I was behind other people, but I decided that I would learn from my mistakes and move on because if I just kept harping on it, I wouldnt be doing anything about the situation. I had always wanted to go to the gym, but I hated going by myself because I thought that I would be singled out and feel like an idiot. Then one day I called my mom and told her that I wanted to go to the gym but Id have to go by myself because everyone I knew was busy. She told me to go, that no one would care that I was by myself. When I first walked in, I thought that all the other people there might be staring at me. By the end, though, I had realized that I actually liked being there by myself better. I could concentrate more; I could forget about the stress of school and think about whatever I wanted.

I learned that it was okay to do things by myself, and that made me feel more independent. I was worried about feeling lonely, but I met new people by doing things that my friends werent interested in. Now I want to keep growing and keep getting involved. My biggest fear is that I might graduate with just a diploma. I want to have life experiences and memories to look back on. College should be about friends and people that influence your life for better or worse, not just books and gradesyou should come out a well-rounded person, and you cant do that if you stay locked up in your room. I have decided not to set limits on what I want to do. I dont need to have someone else behind me all of the time. In groups, you have to go with the flow and take into account what other people do or dont want to do. By myself, I have the chance to really do what I want to do.