Tiffani's Story

You always see stories about little kids with cancer, or adults with cancer, but you never see stories about college students with cancer. Its enough to make you wonder whether college students ever have cancer, but I know that they do because I did. I was diagnosed with B-cell non-Hodgkins lymphoma just after my 20th birthday. I had already been to four doctors about my fevers and difficulty breathing, but I guess they didnt think that college students could have cancer either, because none of them even gave me a blood test. The fifth doctor sent me right to the hospital for x-rays and then the x-ray technician wouldnt let me go home. It was Friday evening on Memorial Day weekend, so when the doctor came over to personally admit me to the hospital, I knew that something was really wrong. I guess people always think of cancer, just because its the worst thing you can imagine. So I wasnt really surprised when the doctor told me the next morning that I had a large mass hanging over my left lung and they suspected it was cancer. My mom thought I was in shock, so she said, Tiffani, say something! but I just said, What do you want me to say? They did a biopsy to make sure, and when I got home that day I found out that I had been accepted by the Rutgers College of Pharmacy. Its a really competitive program that Id been working hard to get into ever since I started college, but I had to defer my admission so that I could take off a year for treatment. I had seven cycles of chemotherapy, then a stem cell transplant, and then radiation. I spent a lot of time in the hospital-almost a month for the transplant, which I had right after Christmas.

I think that it was hard for my friends to handle-sometimes I felt like I had to support them during my treatment, and reassure them that everything was going to be okay! In a way, that actually helped because I had to be strong. I didnt want pity and I didnt want people to treat me as if I were different, but I also didnt want to pretend. When I started the chemo, I cut my hair off right away and started wearing a wig before my hair fell out so that everyone could get used to it. The way I looked-thinner and without my long hair-worried my friends because it made my sickness seem more serious, and it made them think about their own mortality. If it happened to me, they realized, it could happen to them. One of my friends said, Tiff doesnt drink, she doesnt do drugs, shes the angel! People dont realize that cancer happens to everybody, whether theyre good, bad, or in-between.

But all things considered, that was definitely not the worst year of my life. It was amazing to see how many people cared about me and supported me. People I hadnt heard from in years sent cards or called me. Some of my high school friends got back in touch and we became close again. Everyone at my church was very supportive and kept praying for me. My family was always there for me; every night that I had to spend in the hospital, one of my parents stayed there too. People say a lot of negative things about the healthcare system, but the doctors and nurses I worked with were great. I was the youngest person on my floor, so I think that they paid a little extra attention to me and looked out for me. Sometimes the nurses would come into my room and spend a few minutes just talking to me. I became such good friends with them that we still go out together sometimes. The best part, though, was coming back to school, because that was a sign that I really was better and I could get back to my normal life.

For a while I wasnt sure if I still wanted to do pharmacy, but Im glad that I stuck with it because now there are opportunities for pharmacists to specialize in areas like bone marrow transplant, and thats what I want to do. Having cancer put everything in perspective for me and I can see that a lot of things-like bad hair days, or getting a B instead of an A-just arent as important as they used to be. One thing that is important to me is giving something back, and I want to do community service with cancer patients so that I can use my experience in a positive way. Even though Im doing okay now, I will always be a person who has had cancer-its a little like being a recovering alcoholic in that way, because you never get over it. I have to struggle not to think about it every day, not to panic every time I get a cold. But at the same time, I know that having cancer has given me a better view of the world-a view that most people, unfortunately, will never have unless something life-threatening happens to them.

Last Modified 12/22/2005